Seedlings grow deep. Flourish with many colors. Soon my colors will change to many. I know that creating my life portrait means many different strokes of the brush. There will be times of laughter, tears, arguments, and joy. That is what a marriage is all about. I am prepared to share my life and endure the other half. Selfishness has gone away. Swept by the tides.
I have changed completely. I have never thought I would get married. It was a dream that didn't belong to me till recently. I am prepared to spend my life holding hands in the dark unknown. It seems like there will be light in the dark with the two of us.
Life is falling into place. I am starting to like it. I love not looking for the next thing. I love enjoying the moment. I don't have to look into the future anymore. I know what lies ahead. It will be great.
I have no regrets about getting eloped. I am so glad to know that there are so many people out there that care about Roy and I. Its great knowing that we have such great friends and family. I am also so happy to be able to afford to take a real honeymoon. We will be able to do something fun and exciting. I think we will go someplace warm and have the honeymoon around our birthdays. Both of our birthdays are in January. Yes we are both Capricorns so we are very stubborn. I like to say that Roy is much more stubborn than I am...however I know that isn't true.
We spent today looking at open houses in the neighborhood. I have no worries about selling the house. We have a few little projects and a big bathroom renovation to work on. But soon after that we can sell the house and move to a much better climate and enjoy each other in a new place.
10 days. 10 days. 10 days. I cannot wait.
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Saturday, September 4, 2010
Leaves and Sands
Leaves float in the wind. Crispy crunchies beneath my feet. Cool crisp air fills my lungs. Wilting roses in the yard. Fall is coming around the corner. Summer time is at dusk. Fall has begun its transformation.
I will be leaving the crunchy leaves for a week in the sun.
I cannot wait to spend time with Roy for a week without work and alarms.
I look forward to spending a break with him. He is been busy with school work and such. Its nice to watch him do his homework while I play a game or talk on the phone. I think he needs this break more than I do. He does a lot for me. He has to put up with me.
When I return from Vegas I plan on hitting the gym hardcore. Since I had to throw away a lot of my clothing I have come to this decision. No more pussy footing around. I am going to keep myself active and fit. I will try not to look at my weight on the scale. I will be happy to be able to button my pants without sucking it in. I will need to set a goal. I wont have abs in a week of course. But I guess being spoiled in a world where we get what we want when we want it has played a part on my patience.
Money money money. I cant stand thinking about it. I need to start saving up more of it. I plan on selling my home in a few years to trade it in on a place with Roy. A place not here in Iowa. Somewhere nice. I guess that doesnt really exist but I will be happy no matter where I am at. As long as its not Alaska, Texas, ect....Well I guess I do have some preferences. So fixing up the house a bit and a big bathroom remodel is in the future. I guess a trip to IKEA is in order.
Just a final note. I hope that everyone has a great time on the Labor Day weekend.
I will be leaving the crunchy leaves for a week in the sun.
I cannot wait to spend time with Roy for a week without work and alarms.
I look forward to spending a break with him. He is been busy with school work and such. Its nice to watch him do his homework while I play a game or talk on the phone. I think he needs this break more than I do. He does a lot for me. He has to put up with me.
When I return from Vegas I plan on hitting the gym hardcore. Since I had to throw away a lot of my clothing I have come to this decision. No more pussy footing around. I am going to keep myself active and fit. I will try not to look at my weight on the scale. I will be happy to be able to button my pants without sucking it in. I will need to set a goal. I wont have abs in a week of course. But I guess being spoiled in a world where we get what we want when we want it has played a part on my patience.
Money money money. I cant stand thinking about it. I need to start saving up more of it. I plan on selling my home in a few years to trade it in on a place with Roy. A place not here in Iowa. Somewhere nice. I guess that doesnt really exist but I will be happy no matter where I am at. As long as its not Alaska, Texas, ect....Well I guess I do have some preferences. So fixing up the house a bit and a big bathroom remodel is in the future. I guess a trip to IKEA is in order.
Just a final note. I hope that everyone has a great time on the Labor Day weekend.
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Round Round
This week has been crazy busy. I picked up some extra shifts and now wish I didn't. But the money will be nice for the wedding. I feel like I have been sitting on the back burning on planning. Its just so hard. This is why people are paid to do this I guess. I know once it comes it will be great. I just hope we have enough money in our budget for a sweet honeymoon. I really really want to do something fun and exciting.
Vegas is coming soon and I just cannot wait. It will be so nice to get out of Iowa. I am so sick of it here. I really just want to move. Sometimes I regret buying the house. It is an anchor. I don't want to rent it out to just anyone. But for the price I will need I would think that whom ever rents it will take care of it. I guess I have a few years to worry about that. After the wedding its hard core remodeling going on at Grey Gardens. I know I am a dork for calling my house that. However some days it feels like Grey Gardens. I need to get rid of stuff. Clutter. Junk. But where do I begin. I need it all! I guess I will have to move to a bigger house.
We planted 40 Irises the other day and several other plants. I love the yard being a canvas and painting such beauty. I cant wait to see how it looks next spring. I think Roy and I are turning into a couple of gardeners. When we are old and retired we will probably be outside with the perfect flowers, grass, and trees. I guess we will see!
Enriched soil blooms great life. Drought may discourage this. Heavy rains brings us back to life. Winter gives us seclusion. Spring we are reborn again. Only stronger than the time before. Growing, growing, growing. Our vines spread to those around us. Giving life to others. Removing the despair. Dirt.
Vegas is coming soon and I just cannot wait. It will be so nice to get out of Iowa. I am so sick of it here. I really just want to move. Sometimes I regret buying the house. It is an anchor. I don't want to rent it out to just anyone. But for the price I will need I would think that whom ever rents it will take care of it. I guess I have a few years to worry about that. After the wedding its hard core remodeling going on at Grey Gardens. I know I am a dork for calling my house that. However some days it feels like Grey Gardens. I need to get rid of stuff. Clutter. Junk. But where do I begin. I need it all! I guess I will have to move to a bigger house.
We planted 40 Irises the other day and several other plants. I love the yard being a canvas and painting such beauty. I cant wait to see how it looks next spring. I think Roy and I are turning into a couple of gardeners. When we are old and retired we will probably be outside with the perfect flowers, grass, and trees. I guess we will see!
Enriched soil blooms great life. Drought may discourage this. Heavy rains brings us back to life. Winter gives us seclusion. Spring we are reborn again. Only stronger than the time before. Growing, growing, growing. Our vines spread to those around us. Giving life to others. Removing the despair. Dirt.
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Thundering Music
Thunder spoke to me this morning. Telling me to wake up. Get out of bed and start something. Anything! I know I need to stop being lazy and go back to school. I am a little scared though. I just don't know what I want to do. I don't think I want to be a nurse for the rest of my life. My knees are telling me slow down. I think that I really want to do something to better other's lives. So goal...Figure out what I am going to do with my life!!!!!!!! UGH I cant buy anymore lotto tickets!
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Lazy Days
Today was a good relaxing day off of work. I did really nothing. Took the cute little guy to the vet to get his shots. Of course he was a little ham and all the staff love him. Next month will be his deballing. Maybe then he will calm down a little bit and not try to rape his much older sisters. He is so soft and cuddly. Very furry little creature.
I of course invested money today and had a bad return from the casino. I don't think I will be investing that much again. I didn't loose too much at least. Interesting people at the buffet at the casino. Pushy old people I guess they are in a hurry cause they don't have many years left in them. God I hope that I never get old. Maybe if I move to a frozen tundra it will help preserve my youth...can it be the fountain of you is actually a slushy or some frozen drink.
Wedding Wedding WEDDING!
Crazy how much planning and preparing goes into a wedding. I now know why people hire someone to do all the planning for them. Roy does most of the work though. I guess I give the veto on things. Hopefully May 21st will come sooner than later and after surviving the next 10 months I think we will be set for many many many years ahead.
Vegas are we there yet? I cant wait to see the pretty lights and escape Iowa. I am so sick of the corn land. I guess it could be worse. I could be living in Alaska or something crazy.
Yes a very nonproductive day. I guess it was much much needed. Time to float away and dread the sound of the alarm.
Floating in sky
Ready for dreams to come alive
Dreading for the sun to rise
Then the dreams will die
Only this time the day will be filled with dreams
Dreams of rain and fog
The beauty of it all
Mist and refreshed
These dream I can have it all
I of course invested money today and had a bad return from the casino. I don't think I will be investing that much again. I didn't loose too much at least. Interesting people at the buffet at the casino. Pushy old people I guess they are in a hurry cause they don't have many years left in them. God I hope that I never get old. Maybe if I move to a frozen tundra it will help preserve my youth...can it be the fountain of you is actually a slushy or some frozen drink.
Wedding Wedding WEDDING!
Crazy how much planning and preparing goes into a wedding. I now know why people hire someone to do all the planning for them. Roy does most of the work though. I guess I give the veto on things. Hopefully May 21st will come sooner than later and after surviving the next 10 months I think we will be set for many many many years ahead.
Vegas are we there yet? I cant wait to see the pretty lights and escape Iowa. I am so sick of the corn land. I guess it could be worse. I could be living in Alaska or something crazy.
Yes a very nonproductive day. I guess it was much much needed. Time to float away and dread the sound of the alarm.
Floating in sky
Ready for dreams to come alive
Dreading for the sun to rise
Then the dreams will die
Only this time the day will be filled with dreams
Dreams of rain and fog
The beauty of it all
Mist and refreshed
These dream I can have it all
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Running
Floating
Like a cloud
Floating like a cloud into the sun
Breaking apart
Coming together when the moon shines upon me
Twinkle in the sky
Shooting star
Dancing in the night
I hear a song of you
Almost like a whisper
It draws me in
Like the tide on the shore
Ocean waters gleaming in the light
Reflecting the twinkles from up above
This is you my love
My love
Your love
Our love
These are the feelings that have come to my attention.
I have had so many things happen during the day. But at the end my life comes together. My run of luck has gone up and down around in a circle making flips through the trees. I always feel like my life was heading no where and then BOOM. My heart fluttered and spoke. I found the one that made me come down to earth. Hes name is Roy. For the first time in my life I felt happy. I was myself. I didn't pretend to be anyone else. I wasn't altering my personality to make someone else happy. For the first time I didn't have to pretend.
I know I haven't known him for very long. But I knew right away he was the one. So many people have come and gone into my life. Like a wind. Some were a storm blowing and breaking branches all over. I find it calming now, my life. No longer fearing when the next storm will brew.
Just to get an idea on how my life use to be like I came across a little piece of writing I had done almost a year ago. It was very depressing.
It has been a long journey to the outer shells of life. No one knew what to
expect, what the outcome would be. I can say this though; I am a blissful being
in this life and will be in the next. It may be hard for the ones that are still
hanging on to a thread of the past. For me it is the future that I have come to
endure. I will embrace the life of that which is ahead of me. I know now that I
am a strong person. It doesn't take much to make me happy. Even though I know
sometimes a little happiness goes a long way. It just isn't enough. I can’t stop
shaking the fact that I don’t deserve any sort of happiness. I don’t understand
why, I guess good things never happen for me.
Funny isn't it how one feels like giving up hope. For me I will never forget the feelings I once had. The darkness the invaded me like the plague. But I am cured. I have survived the dark caves of sorrow and have a light. That light will remain with me till the end of time.
Like a cloud
Floating like a cloud into the sun
Breaking apart
Coming together when the moon shines upon me
Twinkle in the sky
Shooting star
Dancing in the night
I hear a song of you
Almost like a whisper
It draws me in
Like the tide on the shore
Ocean waters gleaming in the light
Reflecting the twinkles from up above
This is you my love
My love
Your love
Our love
These are the feelings that have come to my attention.
I have had so many things happen during the day. But at the end my life comes together. My run of luck has gone up and down around in a circle making flips through the trees. I always feel like my life was heading no where and then BOOM. My heart fluttered and spoke. I found the one that made me come down to earth. Hes name is Roy. For the first time in my life I felt happy. I was myself. I didn't pretend to be anyone else. I wasn't altering my personality to make someone else happy. For the first time I didn't have to pretend.
I know I haven't known him for very long. But I knew right away he was the one. So many people have come and gone into my life. Like a wind. Some were a storm blowing and breaking branches all over. I find it calming now, my life. No longer fearing when the next storm will brew.
Just to get an idea on how my life use to be like I came across a little piece of writing I had done almost a year ago. It was very depressing.
It has been a long journey to the outer shells of life. No one knew what to
expect, what the outcome would be. I can say this though; I am a blissful being
in this life and will be in the next. It may be hard for the ones that are still
hanging on to a thread of the past. For me it is the future that I have come to
endure. I will embrace the life of that which is ahead of me. I know now that I
am a strong person. It doesn't take much to make me happy. Even though I know
sometimes a little happiness goes a long way. It just isn't enough. I can’t stop
shaking the fact that I don’t deserve any sort of happiness. I don’t understand
why, I guess good things never happen for me.
Funny isn't it how one feels like giving up hope. For me I will never forget the feelings I once had. The darkness the invaded me like the plague. But I am cured. I have survived the dark caves of sorrow and have a light. That light will remain with me till the end of time.
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